Improving Professional Correspondence

To: T. Leoni, Manager, Personnel Department

From: Donald Pryzblo, Manager, Data Processing Department

Subject: Incorrect Payroll Checks

Dear Mr. Leoni,

I am writing in regards to reviewing the “errors” in the computer files. Unfortunately, contrary to what you suggested in our meeting; I have noticed that the majority of the errors were made by your clerks. My employees should not be held accountable for the inaccuracies of the computer files.

After reviewing my employee’s paperwork and activities, it is apparent that they are correctly copying the inaccurate time tickets that your clerks are preparing. After examining the time sheets, time tickets, and computer files associated with the 37 incorrect payroll checks; 35 cases have also been discovered.

In the meeting, the suggestion to require my computer operators to perform the extremely time-consuming task of comparing their entries against the time sheets from which your clerks are miscopying was discussed.


However, I sincerely apologize that my employees will be unable to correct the errors made by your clerks. In addition, it will impossible to hire additional help for such work.

Please inform your clerks to review their work carefully before the information is processed by the computer operators. I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience caused in this matter.

Cordially,

Donald Pryzblo

Manager, Data Processing Department

               While reading the email, I noticed that there were several negative words.  I feel as if the word “not” should not be used more than two times throughout the entire email. The manager seemed to be angry and should have thought clearly before the email was written. The personnel manager would have reacted negatively from the email written by Pryzblo. Pryzblo, the manager started the email by placing blame. A person who complains will not receive a positive response majority of the time. The manager made it clear as to what his data processing department workers would not be doing.

              Also, I believe that it is very important to get straight to the point of any email, paper, or letter. The writer did a great job by getting to the topic of discussion. However, the writer should have used more positive works to communicate with the personnel manager. Professional and positive emails should not be long and the writer’s email was short and sweet. The writer did not change the subject and talked about errors that were made only. The data manager made it clear of the discovered errors in regards to how many errors and the type of errors.

                As for any professional email, the subject of the email should be in normal letters and not full caps.  Full caps seem as if you are screaming at the recipient of the email. However, I understand that the writer wanted the personnel manager to know that this is an important matter.

                I changed the email to reflect a more positive and professional tone. Most of the negative words were changed to reflect more positive words. The words chosen however were used to help persuade and recommend the personnel manager to take a more detailed look at his clerks work.

Analyzing a Rhetorical Situation

Macbeth

Macbeth is a play written by William Shakespeare.  William Shakespeare is from England. The story seems like the characters are from England.  The genre of Macbeth is tragedy.  I would say that the tone of the story is very dark and includes immoral actions. The story is told as play with several scenes and acts. The rhetorical situation with this piece of writing would be distinguishing between moral issues and fate.  The writer’s purpose of the work is to display the immoral actions of obtaining victory.  The intended audience would be more mature teenagers or adults.  

Macbeth was a soldier in the army who would later become a king of Cawdor. Macbeth and his friend Banquo were taking a walk one day and came in contact with three witches. The witches informed Macbeth that he would become king one day.  King Duncan was the current thane of Cawdor.  Macbeth ends up winning a war against a rival country and as a result he was able to visit King Duncan.  Later on Macbeth informed his wife, Lady Macbeth, of the witches prophesy. Lady Macbeth was determine to be the queen.  So, Lady Macbeth talks Macbeth into killing his friend Banquo after murdering King Duncan.  Banquo, on the other hand, flees the country due to believing that the plans from the witches could ruin their lives. Macbeth eventually becomes king and goes to war with Macduff, a Scottish Nobleman.  Macduff beheads and kills Macbeth, because he feels that Macbeth should not be king. The son of King Duncan, Prince Malcolm becomes king.

 The issue that seemed to be at stake in this writing is morality. Macbeth was talked into murdering so that he could be king of the throne.  The witches informed him that he could become king of Cawdor, but there was already a king of Cawdor.  The witches could have possibly wanted King Duncan to be removed from the throne. Macbeth was never comfortable with his killing and immoral actions. The encounter with the witches created a conflict between right and wrong. For example, Macbeth knew that King Duncan trusted him due to the superior role he played in defending the country.  Macbeth was thinking about the consequences of killing and the feelings of the people before he killed them.  Macbeth believed that instead of killing the King; he should have been protecting the King. However, he thought the way the witches wanted him to think in order to become the king. The writer shows significance of the issue of immorality in several ways. One way the writer shows significance of what is right and wrong is through Banquo. Banquo knows from the beginning that Macbeth could not become king by free will. Banquo knew that there would be consequences if Macbeth became king of Cawdor, because Cawdor currently had a leader.  Another way is because Macbeth thought about his actions before he acted. If you have to think twice about an action you are observing the outcome.  Macbeth knew that fighting for his country was right, because he was in the army. It seems as if he thought that being in the army justified his action for killing King Duncan and other innocent people.  I feel that by killing, Macbeth’s fate and immoral actions determined that he would eventually be murdered.

My Profile!

Hello All,

My name is Kristen and I am currently a Pre-Nursing Major. I am currently a customer service agent for Walmart.com. The job is fun, but it can also be a challenge at times. This job teaches you how to find the issue, show empathy, and solve the problem. I also work up to 40 hours a week. I plan to become a Registered Nurse within the next 2-3 years. This has been my goal since elementary and anything is possible.  

I have had a great writing experience here at USM. I also think that there are several areas of writing that I can improve in. I am willing to try and learn how to become a successful writer. Hopefully, writers block will not take over.

I love reading inspirational books and most importantly the Bible. I enjoy reading expository writing. I do not know if I am just being nosey, but I find it interesting to learn about a person’s life.  I love to read post, whether it’s a blog, facebook, myspace, twitter, or a magazine. I find Plato and some other philosophical works hard to read. I feel that those types of books seldom keep my attention. They are very difficult to read, because it seems as if there are more dull moments, exciting moments, and then dull moments again.

I have some worries about the class, but hopefully I will be able to keep up with the work.

I hope to learn a lot from this course and to become a better writer. This is my first time creating a blog and hopefully I will enjoy posting.

Until Next Time...